It's a trendy topic,
talking about women's bodies
what's good, what's bad
whether fat is the fad
but my only thought
is how goddamn amazing
this body that I'm in is
Mine went from failing,
dying of disease
to giving life
to two children, and
carrying them with relative ease
Watching as my belly grew
my little boobs, too!
Amazed that my body could grow two other lives
when not long ago
it could barely hold mine
and then on a Friday
this body told me it was time
my babies were ready and so was I
for 34 weeks and 5 days
my bones and my brain and my blood
did the work of sustaining three lives
his, hers, and mine
It's so easy to forget what
my body does for us, for me
when I catch myself in the mirror
and don't like what I see
Cellulite on my ass and
rolls in my middle
I jiggle when I run up the stairs
but I have to remember that for years,
I looked into my eyes with contempt
not for being too big, but for being too thin
My knobby knees and the veins in my wrists
I saw all the things
I wished I could be
Too thin, too big
I'll probably never be
exactly the way I'd like to be
I value not fixating on appearance, but
I get sucked into thinking those thoughts that say
you should run more, you need to shave
get your hair done, do something with your face
I see the girls on the 'gram
just doing their best,
but their message tells me
I need this, I need that, spend to be your best!
Slow down, put down the phone
my daughter is watching.
I feel a little crack in my heart
knowing that already I have
told her that pretty is the currency
when I get done up to go out
she sticks her little finger in my eyeshadow
and swipes it across her toddler eyelid
shit, she's been watching,
says, look at me, mommy!
I tell her she's cute all the damn time
because it's just what we say
because to me she's perfect in every way
but what message is she taking away?
how can I tell her, show her, let her know
that pretty isn't equivalent to her worth
I know there's something else I should say
but it doesn't come to me naturally
What I mean when I say
'you're so cuuuute!'
is that I love the way you smile
your laugh fills my cup
I love watching every little thing you do
you're smart, you're clever,
you're perfectly, wonderfully
uniquely you
I'll spend my life tailoring my words
because I want her to know her worth.
To me she is precious and I hope she never
looks at someone and thinks, 'I wish I were her'.
Well,
this little poem went from a simple idea
about how my body is amazing just for existing
to a love letter to my daughter
and an apology for so often forgetting
that looks are not everything
My little love, the world will surely tell you
that it's in your best interest to diligently follow
the standards that are set for you
they'll tell you what beautiful is
and convince you that it's not you
but my wish is that you have the courage to be
all that you are and not what you 'could be'
and though we falter, always remember,
pretty isn't everything, not even close
you're precious and perfect
in all of your faults.
—m